virtual fugue

lessons learned

2005-09-16T14:41:00.000-05:00

All of the blunt criticism over his botched reaction to Hurricane Katrina has evinced a totally new side of Bush (or should I say a new strategy?). In the past week we heard our heretofore unapologetic president take responsibility for the lack of response by the federal government. Then, in last night's press conference, Bush pledged "Federal funds will cover the great majority of the costs of repairing public infrastructure in the disaster zone, from roads and bridges to schools and water systems." It seems W has reverted back to a scheme learned long ago in his privileged youth: throw money at a problem and it will go away.

Yes, just like the time he crashed his car after drinking profusely with his fraternity brothers, he has simply apologized, thrown some money at someone, and gone on his merry way. What's he up to now? Closing military bases and ensuring Halliburton profits hugely from Katrina.

bush inaction

2005-09-15T08:20:00.000-05:00

Thanks goes to Kitty at Progressive Society for this one.

President Bush continued to try to spin his own inaction yesterday, but he may finally have reached a patch of reality beyond spin.
He made the ultimate sacrifice and admitted his administration had messed up, something he'd refused to do through all of the other screw-ups, from phantom W.M.D. and the torture at Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo to the miscalculations on the Iraq occupation and the insurgency, which will soon claim 2,000 young Americans.
Even though we know W. likes to be in his bubble with his feather pillow, the stories this week are breathtaking about the lengths the White House staff had to go to in order to capture Incurious George's attention.
Newsweek reported that the reality of Katrina did not sink in for the president until days after the levees broke, turning New Orleans into a watery grave. It took a virtual intervention of his top aides to make W. watch the news about the worst natural disaster in a century. Dan Bartlett made a DVD of newscasts on the hurricane to show the president on Friday morning as he flew down to the Gulf Coast.
The aides were scared to tell the isolated president that he should cut short his vacation by a couple of days, Newsweek said, because he can be "cold and snappish in private." Mike Allen wrote in Time about one "youngish aide" who was so terrified about telling Mr. Bush he was wrong about something during the first term, he "had dry heaves" afterward.
The president had to be truly zoned out not to jump at the word "hurricane," given that he has always used his father's term as a reverse playbook and his father almost lost Florida in 1992 because of his slow-footed response to Hurricane Andrew. And W.'s chief of staff, Andy Card, was the White House transportation secretary the senior President Bush sent to the rescue after FEMA bungled that one.
W. has said he prefers to get his information straight up from aides, rather than filtered through newspapers or newscasts. But he surrounds himself with weak sisters who don't have the nerve to break bad news to him, or ideologues with agendas that require warping reality or chuckleheaded cronies like Brownie.
The president should stop haunting New Orleans, looking for that bullhorn moment. It's too late.

And thanks to Maureen Dowd.

failure

2005-09-15T08:11:00.000-05:00

Google the word failure. Go ahead. Try it. Let me know what comes up as the number one link.

a beautiful reminder

2005-09-14T06:52:00.000-05:00

It's nice to know that Australians remember who we are, even if we sometimes forget.

gonzo suicide

2005-09-13T13:25:00.000-05:00

I just found Hunter S. Thompson's suicide note which was apparently published by Rolling Stone last week. In the course of a long, exciting, incomparable career, it's the last thing he'll ever write.

No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More
Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring.
I am always bitchy. No Fun - for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your
old age. Relax - This won't hurt.

watch out for flying pigs

2005-09-13T12:41:00.000-05:00

Maybe I'm not reading this right, but it seems as though Bush has actually accepted responsibility for failure. Okay, so he couches it with "to the extent the federal government didn't fully do its job right," but still, I don't think he has ever before suggested that anything he or his administration did was wrong or even improper.

Perhaps in the wake of another crazy trend I've noticed since Katrina hit, Bush has decided it's time to try a different tactic when it comes to the disasters that have plagued his administration. That trend is that the media has actually been critical of Bush and his administration. It's like they spent the last four years under some form of Bush-induced hypnosis - like they had all gone to a party together, got really wasted, did some REALLY embarrassing things (most of which they thought they had forgotten), and they all vowed not to talk shit on each other for a while - and then suddenly - as if they realized Bush was the only one who had actually done anything stupid and he had convinced them all that they did it too - they realized that they had nothing to fear. So off come the gags, and the media's really pissed at being fooled, so now all the criticism that has been held back for four years is flooding out through the airwaves.

Even the White House Press Secretary has contradicted Bush by saying that Bush did in fact know that Mike Brown had resigned as director of FEMA before Bush told the press he did not. I believe his exact words were, "Maybe you know something I don't." Duh. I'm sure the press knows plenty that the president doesn't. Like how to tie their own shoes.

brownie, you're doin' a heck of a job

2005-09-12T14:18:00.000-05:00

Mike Brown has resigned as director of FEMA after the gross mismanagement of relief efforts in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and the subsequent discovery that he wasn't nearly as qualified as his resume made him out to be.

Now if we could only get our president to do the same.

Meanwhile, Ophelia can't make up her mind. Hurricane or tropical storm? She must be a blonde.

long time gone

2005-09-12T08:24:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm posting here today basically because I feel really guilty. I was checking a friend's blog this morning and decided to take a look at mine to see when I last posted. I was shocked to see just how long it had been. I'm going to justify it this way:

I started this blog when the days were still dark and cold. When the days got longer and warmer, I disappeared. Typically, winter is a time of introspection, and summer is a time of activity. Basically, that's my excuse. I was simply following the natural order of things.

The days are getting shorter now, and my mind has already started contriving things to occupy myself during the coming months of short, dark, cold days: ideas for stories to write, books to read, etc.

I did manage a few intellectual endeavors this summer. I read The Sun Also Rises and started reading The Heart of the Matter. While at the beach last month, I read a less literary novel ("beach read," whatever) by Dan Brown, Deception Point which was unfortunately predictable.

My schedule for the next two months is still pretty crazy, but I can feel my mind preparing itself for the relative quiet of winter. I'm hoping for a nice gradual transition into winter. Last year, we didn't have much of an autumn. The weather got cold and dark too quickly. So far, the days here have been beautiful - sunny and warm. The nights have been cool and clear. With any luck, it will continue that way through the end of October and then we can enjoy a cold, snowy winter with not much to do but read and write.

welcome spring?

2005-06-02T10:31:00.000-05:00

Spring has sprung. The hills are now green and lush. Green leaves set off the clear blue sky. Azeleas have flowered along with the rhododendron, and peonies collapse under the weight of their huge blooms. Light breezes carry puffs of pollen that irritate my eyes and nose.

Apparently, my sinus cavities weren't quite prepared, and now I'm enduring the agony of sinus infection.

Such beauty! And such suffering!

national day of prayer

2005-05-05T12:30:00.000-05:00

So today is our National Day of Prayer as declared by a presidential proclamation. Does anyone else find this disturbing?

The website I have linked above includes a page called "What to Pray For". It includes this quote:

Through this prayer guide, you will have an opportunity to petition God on behalf of our leaders and those who are in authority over us, as we are instructed to do in 1 Timothy 2:1-2: As you humbly come before the Lord and seek His face, please pray that these men and women will be granted divine wisdom, guidance and strength to fulfill their important roles.

I find this terribly offensive . . . and I was raised Christian! I can only imagine how Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and others feel about this type of thing. Christians too should be offended for not only being ordered to pray but for being told what to pray for. Maybe it was just the way I was raised, but religion to me has always been a private, personal thing not to be flaunted in the faces of others. I have always mistrusted people who wear their religion on their sleeve like a badge of honor.

The line separating church and state seems to be getting thinner and thinner, and it scares the hell out of me. I recently attended a Board of Education meeting where they prayed before beginning the meeting. Today, a co-worker of mine told me there was a rather large crowd assembled in front of our courthouse praying and singing. These are institutions of the State! I just don't think prayer has any place in them. And you can say it's non-denominational and therefore should not offend non-Christians, but it's always the fanatical Christians who start this stuff, and the reference to "the Lord" and the book of Timothy above is proof of that. And you can bet that for the most part the prayers said outside of state and federal buildings today are addressed to Jesus and "Our Heavenly Father," not to Allah or Yahweh.

Call me crazy, but I think prayer should be a private thing unless you are in church. And it should never, never be mandated by the government (and yes, I know it isn't a mandate, but how far do you think we really are from that?) regardless of how much our government leaders can use divine guidance (which, with the current administration, is a great deal).

back to the dark ages

2005-04-19T12:34:00.000-05:00

There seems to be a growing trend in the world. We seem to be going backward. One would think that with the passage of time, societies would become more progressive and accepting, but between the US Republicans and the College of Cardinals, it appears that this is not true.

A new pope was elected today. I've heard rumors that he is a former member of the Hitler Youth, although I haven't yet found the time to confirm this. Here's what www.cnn.com had to say about Joseph Ratzinger (the name says it all), who is now Pope Benedict XVI:

As a young priest he was on the progressive side of theological debates but shifted to the right after the student revolutions of 1968.

In the Vatican, he has been the driving force behind crackdowns on liberation theology, religious pluralism, challenges to traditional moral teachings on issues such as homosexuality, and dissent on such issues as women's ordination.

So . . . so much for the progression of the Catholic Church.

On the upside, he's 78 years old and hopefully won't be around for very long. Better luck next time to all the Catholics living in the 21st Century (as opposed to the 12th).

the un-quest for happiness

2005-04-15T08:28:00.000-05:00

"Only our own searching for happiness prevents us from seeing it. It is like a vivid rainbow which you pursue without ever catching it, or a dog chasing its own tail. Although peace and happiness do not exist as an actual thing or place, they are always available, and accompany you every instant."

--Gendun Rinpoche

errant thoughts on the death of a pope

2005-04-04T14:08:00.000-05:00

It's strange, isn't it? When you're brought up Catholic, no matter how far you stray from the church, events such as the death of the pope take you right back to where you were as a child. I remember when Pope John Paul I died. I was 10 years old and attending Catholic school. The nuns made a big deal about, of course, and we learned all about what happens when a pope dies and how the next pope is chosen. It was around that time when I thought life as a nun might not be a bad idea (I wasn't thinking too much about boys at the time, but that would change soon enough). My teacher was Sister Peter Marie, and she was one of those rare people who could make you feel extraordinary just by looking at you. I was sure she was destined for sainthood.

Memories of my Catholic upbringing (attending mass not only on Sundays, but also on weekdays before school, May Day and the parade honoring the Blessed Virgin Mary [I had always wanted to be crowned queen. I would watch the 8th-graders get chosen each year, but when I finally reached the 8th grade, my friend Heather was chosen instead.] and those milestones like First Communion and Confirmation) never stand alone - they are intrinsically tied to those I love. To this day, I cannot walk into a church or see an image of the pope or a saint without being fully immersed in the memory of my Italian grandmother who died when I was 12. I also now think of my Great-Aunt Jean who passed away just last summer. It's painful sometimes, but it's also comforting. It makes me feel connected - to my family and to other members of the church.

I was watching a live feed from Krakow, Poland being broadcase on MSNBC on Saturday, and there was this beautiful young man standing in crowd of people with his equally beautiful wife or girlfriend or sister. Her face was mostly hidden by a scarf, but his face was fully visible, and as the camera focused on him for what seemed like a very long time, I could feel the grief that was pouring out of his eyes and the pain that showed in the way he held his mouth. It was positively heartwrenching.

As I watched the constant commentary on the life of the pope over the course of the weekend and learned of all the progressive things he did, I wondered why he stopped short on subjects like women's roles in the church and birth control - and I wondered if the next pope might bring the changes that so many Catholics are longing for. I think there are a lot of us lapsed Catholics out there who feel a void in their lives because the way that they live is not the way they were raised. Or maybe it's something more, or less, than that. Maybe we just miss the ceremony of it all, or maybe we miss all the people we've loved who shared in that experience with us. Most likely it's a complicated combination of everything we associate with being Catholic. And no matter how we think of ourselves at any other time, when the pope dies, we are Catholic.

playing catch-up

2005-04-01T10:48:00.000-05:00

I'm so far behind! I haven't posted in over two weeks - not because I haven't had anything to say, but because there has simply been too much going on in my life.

Things are good, don't get me wrong, well, with the exception of a possible law suit hanging over my head - nothing major, just a petty would-be advertiser who claims we owe him a lifetime of free advertising on our website because he paid the former owner $35.00. WTF!?!?!?

Spring has sprung, and with it the activity level in my household has gone up tenfold. As a result, my house is a mess, my animals are neglected, dinner for the past two nights has consisted of drive-through burgers and fries, and I am exhausted!

I'm still working out, believe it or not. I've been going 4 to 5 nights a weeks, and although I haven't lost any weight, my butt seems a little perkier, and I seem to be building up some endurance on the cardio machines. It's weird, but I really miss it when I'm not able to get to the gym because of other commitments.

I've been slacking off at work, partially because my boss isn't here and things are kind of at a standstill until he returns and partially because I haven't felt like doing anything. We've been really busy with ball-pythons.net, and that's taken up a lot of time between the hours of 8 and 5. The boss returns in a week, and I am dreading it.

The media has been pissing me off. Between Terri Schiavo and Michael Jackson, I could just puke. There is too much news that really isn't news. Give us something of real value or shut the fuck up.

I made vacation reservations this week. I'm going to Myrtle Beach in August. I'm relieved that I got the reservations and that I have the room I want at the resort I want, but it's 4 months away, and I'm ready to leave today!

spring forward

2005-03-17T08:07:00.000-05:00

A welcome sight on my way to work this morning - street sweepers.

The city is getting cleaned up for spring, sweeping up cinders left long after the snow melted, and power-spraying sidewalks to remove all traces of dirt and grime. Soon the entrance to the local university will be flooded with hundreds of daffodils and tulips, and tiny buds of the lightest green will begin appearing on the trees.

It's now light outside when I wake up in the morning, and it's no longer dark when I leave work in the evening. Temperatures outside have finally made it out of the 20s and 30s and into the 40s. We should be seeing 50 degrees within the next few days.

The changes in the temperatures and light cycle has me looking forward to spring and on into summer. Winter has left me feeling a bit grimy, just like the city streets. It also left me with about 10 extra pounds of weight to carry around. My eating habits since the holidays have been atrocious, and exercise has consisted of walking up and down flights of stairs only when necessary (like when I go to bed). So, I've taken the plunge and joined a health club and bought a bunch of healthy food, and I'm determined to turn things around before I have to consider putting on a pair of shorts, let alone a bathing suit.

It's only been a few days, but so far I feel tired as hell in the mornings. I hope things improve. I used to be a morning person.

I'm saying goodbye to winter this weekend with a final ski trip. After that, I'll start spring house cleaning (good intentions), lawn clean up, and (sigh) house painting.

Too bad the city can't send their street sweepers to my house.

ill thoughts

2005-03-09T08:08:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong to be angry at someone else because you're sick?

I share a rather small office with one other woman who works part-time. Last week she came in "not feeling well." She was coughing and sniffling and blowing her nose. I looked at her and rather pissily said, "If you're sick, go home." She mumbled something or other about how her whole family was sick, and she had work to get done. She works from home half the time anyway, but now that she's sick, she feels the need to be in the office. I told her I didn't want whatever it was she had. But she stayed anyway.

Not only did she stay that day, but she came back 2 or 3 more days last week. Monday morning she told me she went to a doctor over the weekend and found she had a sinus infection. Tuesday morning I wake up feeling like crap and got progressively worse throughout the day. She wasn't here. Today my eyes are watering, my throat is sore, and my nose feels like it's going to pop off my face. She's here today, occasionally coughing these quiet, controlled, annoying little coughs. I could strangle her with my bare hands.

So tell me, do I have a right to blame and be pissed at this woman? Or am I being unreasonable?

snow days

2005-03-02T16:39:00.000-05:00

I want a snow day. Remember what it was like when you were in school? You prayed every night from November to March for snow so that you could have a "snow day" and stay home from school. But then you grew up and got a job and now you probably have to go to work every morning regardless of what the weather is like outside.

It's been snowing here for the last three days. On Monday, schools were dismissed two hours early. School was closed altogether yesterday and today. This morning there was close to four inches of new snow on the ground. And where was I at 7:50 am? In bed, all cozy and sleeping soundly? No! I was brushing snow off my car. A lot of snow. And the wind was blowing, so when I brushed the snow off the car, it sometimes came back and smacked me in the face. Not a very pleasant experience, especially since I'd not had a drop of coffee yet.

So as I sat in my office today, staring out the window at the snow showers that came and went all day long, I pined for the days when snow accumulation meant sleep accumulation - when you woke up at noon, went sledding until you couldn't stand the cold any longer, went inside and had a cup of hot chocolate while wearing only your thermal underwear and snuggling under a blanket in front of the television, and then took a nap.

I never get to do that anymore (or maybe I just don't allow myself to do that anymore), and I miss it.

last call

2005-02-25T12:36:00.000-05:00

I know I must seem a bit obsessed this week, but I also know I'm not the only person who found Hunter S. Thompson fascinating. The latest news is that Thompson shot himself while on the phone with his wife. Anita Thompson apparently stated that he called her and asked her to come home so they could work on his weekly column (presumably for ESPN Magazine), and instead of saying goodbye, he put down the phone and pulled the trigger. His son, daughter-in-law and grandson were in the house at the time.

The phone call puzzles me. Was his request that she come home to work on the column just pretense to get her home quickly after the deed was done? If not, was the shooting unintentional? If neither, was it really suicide?

Thompson's family and friends have stated that he had talked recently about wanting to "leave at the top of his game." It certainly makes sense that someone like Thompson would not want to end up unable to enjoy the things he loved to do, but the whole situation just seems strange - even for Thompson. But maybe suicide is always like that. I would have been less surprised if he had shot himself out of a cannon while still alive or hopped on a motorcycle and drove off a cliff.

what a way to go

2005-02-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

So rumor has it that Hunter S. Thompson, whose remains were cremated yesterday, often expressed the wish that his ashes be shot out of a cannon. Apparently the local sheriff has looked into the law and seems to think it can be done legally - not that it would have mattered to Thompson.

It's interesting and kind of pitiful what we do with the dead. I guess I'm in the minority of people who find it horrifying that we drain bodies of blood, fill them back up with preservatives, stitch mouths shut and spackle make up on the dead to try to make them look like they are still alive - just sleeping. It's strange and unnatural and morose. Conversely, death is the most natural thing about life . . . well, that and defecation, I guess.

I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be cremated - without being embalmed and "shown," thank you very much. (I really can't understand the point of embalming and getting trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey just so they can put you in a kiln.) After that, I really don't care what happens to the ashes. It's not like I can come back and reinhabit them. So put them in an urn, flush them down the toilet, scatter them in the cat's litter box, mix them with some clay and make a sculpture - I really don't care. Funerals and all the pretense that surrounds them is for the living anyway.

But if Thompson wanted to be shot out of cannon, then by all means do it. I can't think of more fitting tribute to his life. When you read his work, you feel as though he has been shot out of a cannon right into your face. It's thrilling.

goodbye gonzo

2005-02-22T08:55:00.000-05:00

I was crushed to learn this morning that Hunter S. Thompson has taken his own life. It seems ironic that he should put a gun to his own head and fire. It seems so controlled, so calculated. I expected him to go in an explosion of raucous decadence and confusion. But I suppose it's fitting that he should do what none of us expected.

It is a sad, sad day for writers and readers.

hey, remember al Queda?

2005-02-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

I guess all the criticism the Bush administration has been getting regarding their stance on illegal aliens has become too much for them. They've raised the terror alert again.

teenage valentine

2005-02-14T16:59:00.000-05:00

I’ve been hearing a lot of talk lately about teenagers using the word “love.” Adults (especially mothers of teenage girls) seem to believe that teenagers have no right to use the word in a romantic sense. I’ve heard comments like “they have no idea what love is.” One mother I know gets angry when she hears her 16-year-old daughter tell her boyfriend that she loves him. Another believes that since her daughter cannot possibly love a potential boyfriend the way she herself loves her husband, that what the daughter feels cannot be love.

Call me crazy, but I just don’t feel this is right. Can teenagers in romantic relationships love the way married adults raising families do? Maybe not. But I think it’s wrong to deny teenagers the right to their own feelings. To tell them “what you think you feel is not really what you feel” seems cruel. To get angry when you hear them say the words seems borderline abusive.

I am not a teenager. In fact, I’m far from it. But I can remember what it was like to be 16 years old and to be “in love.” Looking back on it now, what I felt for whomever it was pales in comparison to what I have now, but at the time, if someone had told me “you’re not really in love, so don’t even say the word” I would have been angry, and I would have lost faith and trust in whomever it was who told me I didn’t really feel what I knew I felt.

A friend of mine from high school died at a very young age – 18, I believe, although he had been in a coma for several months. At his funeral his father said, “He had one great, passionate love affair, and I am so grateful for that.” That made such a huge impact on me. I know I could never deny my son that experience.

hard core valentine

2005-02-11T10:29:00.000-05:00

For those of you in the Fairmont, West Virginia area, don't miss the Valentine's Day Massacre tomorrow at Bunny's. Drink specials start at 8:00. The bands start at 9:00.

See you there!

without a net

2005-02-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

Good god. Is there anything more distressing than not having internet service? Time Warner Cable was down for 24 hours here. 24 HOURS! Do you know how long that is without internet? I had to actually WORK while I was at work! No blog or forum browsing, no internet shopping, no email, no instant messaging!

I also have Time Warner at home, so I couldn't even get my fix after I left work.

What did we do for diversions before the internet became such an integral part of our lives?

meeting ourselves

2005-02-02T08:36:00.000-05:00

James Joyce wrote, "Every life is many days, day after day. We walk through ourselves, meeting robbers, ghosts, giants, old men, young men, wives, widows, brothers-in-love, but always meeting ourselves."

Is this so? Do we see ourselves in everyone we know? If so, our perceptions of them must be colored by the way we perceive ourselves. Are the things we hate about others the things we hate about ourselves? Are the things we admire about others the things we aspire to be? Are the things we love about others the things we love about ourselves?

If so, we are all narcissists.

Most people believe Narcissus was in love with his own reflection, but another interpretation of that story is that Narcissus feared that if he stopped looking at his reflection, he would cease to exist.

Psychologically speaking, narcissism is also self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. Do we address deficits in self-esteem by constantly comparing ourselves to others? Is that what Joyce's quote is saying? And if we stop looking at the reflection of ourselves in others, do we cease to exist in some way?

I suppose we could get into some discussion about meditation being an attempt to divorce oneself from our external mirrors, but I think I'll leave things here for now.

a little sunshine

2005-02-01T08:55:00.000-05:00

It’s amazing what a little sunlight can do for someone’s psyche. January has been so cold and dark. I was beginning to think I had a mild form of SAD. But the sun came out yesterday, and suddenly my dour mood has lifted. I was even productive at work . . . on a Monday! Mondays are usually my least productive days, followed closely by Fridays. I seem to peak on Wednesdays.

So here I sit, looking out my office window at blue skies, bare trees, and just a smattering of snow still left on the ground.

friday

2005-01-28T15:45:00.000-05:00

It's Friday again, and somehow I seem to be devoid of that elation I felt last week. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because there's no promise of a great amount of snow. Maybe it's because last week I was looking forward to my boss being out of the office all this week, and now I'm dreading him coming back next week. Maybe it's because this week hasn't been all that stressful (with the exception of a tense afternoon online yesterday), and so I'm not as needy as I was last week. Maybe it's because I'm cash-strapped at the moment and can't buy myself anything pretty this weekend.

But maybe a weekend with no great expectations is a good thing - I probably won't be disappointed.

a quote to ponder

2005-01-25T08:40:00.000-05:00

I subscribe to "The Writer's Almanac." I receive it by email every morning, and every once in while I read a quote from an author or a short poem that I think warrants contemplation and repetition. This quote from Virginia Woolf arrived in my inbox this morning (it's her birthday today).

"We all indulge in the strange, pleasant process called thinking, but when it comes to saying... what we think, then how little we are able to convey! The phantom is through the mind and out of the window before we can lay salt on its tail, or slowly sinking and returning to the profound darkness which it has lit up momentarily with a wandering light."

I suppose my writing here is a small attempt to hold onto the phantom for a brief moment - or at least lay salt on its tail.

I now feel compelled to read Mrs. Dalloway.

I had a semantics professor who said that we can never accurately convey our true thoughts. Even if we think we've used the right words, those words will hold different connotations with different people, and so our words will be interpreted differently, and our meaning will be skewed by the listener (or reader). Kind of a fatalistic view of language and communication - but it's the only thing I really took away from that class. I wonder if that was his intention.

the conservatives are at it again - already

2005-01-24T19:50:00.000-05:00

I received the following email from the Human Rights Campaign today:

The news broke early this morning: Senator Wayne Allard (R-CO) is reintroducing the Marriage Protection Amendment (MPA) on the Senate floor today – making it one of the first items of business in the first full week of President Bush’s second term.

In light of the many serious issues that our country is facing, it is absolutely outrageous that a small group of right-wing Senators would make discriminating against GLBT people their TOP priority right now.

I find this appalling. How anyone could suggest that we write discrimination into our constitution? Why don't we just deny gays and lesbians the right to vote while we're at it?

The email goes on to request that we contact our senators and urge them to oppose the MPA. I have done so, and I'm asking you to do the same. Visit the Human Rights Campaign website and find out what you can do to help. At the very least, sign up for "action alerts" which make sending emails to your U.S. representatives as easy as clicking your mouse.

This is the civil rights movement of our time, and all of us should support it.

a eulogy of sorts

2005-01-24T13:59:00.000-05:00

My grandfather died last Friday night, January 14th. He was a quiet and unassuming man. He worked the same job for 60 years, and he was very proud of what he did. He was a superintendent at the Clarksburg Casket Company, which closed its doors not long after he retired for good at the age of 83. The company’s motto was “finest hardwood caskets in the world,” and I know my grandfather believed that wholeheartedly.

After my grandmother died in 1985, my grandfather’s work was his life. He took great pride in it, and he was well-respected by the people who worked at his company as well as by local funeral directors. I started thinking about this pride and respect for the work that one does, and I began to wonder how many of us feel that way today. I, for one, do not. In fact, most of the people I know don’t take great pride in their work and don’t feel respected for what they do. It seems that most of us pursue and take jobs that will pay us well. And while that is very necessary in our world today, I think a lot of us feel cheated because we’ve been forced to compromise our ideals in the interest of self-preservation.

On the whole, I think there are very few Americans who are able to make a living doing something they love. Many are creative people stuck in a society that doesn’t value art. Others are great thinkers in a society that doesn’t value philosophy. Still others are craftsmen stuck in a society that would rather buy disposable furniture from Wal-Mart than invest in something of quality.

So what happens to these people who cannot make a living doing what they love? They take jobs that pay the bills. They feel stifled and stuck, and they drag themselves out of bed every morning so that they can exchange the better part of their days for a few dollars that will hopefully pay their bills. I suppose we could argue that those people should find some other outlet for their true interests, but how many people actually have the time to pursue those interests while working full time?

And now, under the “protective” eye of our President, even those lousy jobs that people use to pay their bills are disappearing. In the past year I have heard news stories about American workers training people in other countries to do their jobs knowing that they themselves would no longer have a job. I have heard about workers in India taking American dialect classes so that when they make or receive calls on behalf of American companies, Americans wouldn’t know they were talking to someone from another country.

[I’m not trying to be nationalistic here, but I do live in the U.S., so this is what I know. I realize there are truly oppressed people in other parts of the world in much more desperate situations than we are, but that’s another post entirely.]

Science fiction has told us that in the future, many of our jobs will be done by robots. Is this the first step? And once those robot-able jobs are gone, what happens to the workers? Will they be left to pursue their true interests while still maintaining a respectable standard of living? And if so, why isn’t this coming along a little quicker? I have a lot of reading to catch up on.

snow

2005-01-22T21:30:00.000-05:00

Well it's snowing finally. But there's not yet an inch of snow on the ground, and the wind chill factor is 10 degrees. The 6 to 12 inches we expected has turned into 2 to 4. But on the upside, my house is clean. You see, I didn't go anywhere today because of all the snow we were supposed to get. I would try to pretend there was a lot of snow outside, but the air just doesn't feel that way. It's not quiet enough.

no snow

2005-01-22T15:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is kind of depressing. All the snow we were supposed to get has been nothing but rain so far, or sleet, or freezing rain - that stuff they call a "wintry mix," which is a really nice euphemism for what ultimately amounts to weather with an identity crisis. It was supposed to become actual snow around 3 pm, but I have yet to see a single flake, let alone any accumulation.

By the time it starts snowing, it will probably be dark outside. I haven't gone on a nighttime walk in the snow for quite a while. Maybe I should consider it this evening.

oh no! snow!

2005-01-21T18:41:00.000-05:00

Mentioning the possibility of snowstorm is the quickest way to fill a grocery store. I knew about the forecast, and I knew I needed groceries, yet for some reason it didn't occur to me that the grocery stores would be literally filled with people. The store I frequent is usually quite empty as is its parking lot. Occasionally, you might have to wait in line at the cash register behind one other person, and there are usually only one or two registers open. But I knew as I pulled into the parking lot, that was not the case this evening. The store was packed, and I had wait in line at the deli counter. Can you imagine? I won't even discuss the checkout lines.

Anyway, it occurred to me at some point that a grocery store is pretty much the one place in town where you will see people of all ages, genders, races, and income brackets (and some who do not actually have income per se). I mean everyone has to eat, right?

So as I walked around the store, still deep in my sublime Friday high, I took delight in weaving through the aisles excusing myself to people I would usually have no occasion to speak to. I felt absolutely insane. I mean, I abhor going to the grocery store. I loathe it. I put it off until there is nothing left in my house to eat but ramen noodles. And there I was, sauntering around the aisles like I was at a cocktail party. Total weirdness. Is it just that it's Friday? Does the impending snow and all its anticipated comforts have something to do with it? Or am I finally actually losing my mind?

end-of-the-week attitude adjustment

2005-01-21T13:21:00.000-05:00

It's Friday. And it seems that all the little things that would annoy the hell out of me on any other weekday are sliding off me like water on a duck after an oil spill. Earlier in the week I was contemplating horrifically creative ways of torturing and subsequently murdering my boss (the movie "Swimming with Sharks" comes to mind), but today he has no effect on me. Today I can contemplate the weekend and the respite it provides.

We're expecting somewhere between 6 and 12 inches of snow tomorrow. The way the snow quiets the air is entrancingly comforting, and I'm looking forward to it with unexpected anticipation.

Cheers!

wearing your religion on your sleeve - or car

2005-01-20T20:59:00.000-05:00

Driving to work today I got behind a car with one of those Jesus fish things stuck on the back of it. It's not the first time I've seen one. They're all over the place here - even my dad has one on his car. But it made me wonder - what makes Christians want to proclaim their beliefs to anyone and everyone? In my experience, no other religion seems to feel the burning need to shove their beliefs in other people's faces quite the way Christians do.

Cars in my town are covered with Jesus fish of several varieties - the plain fish, the fish that says "Jesus" in the middle, and the fish with the funny old writing in the middle (IXOYE). There is also no shortage of in-your-face Christian bumper stickers around here. Apparently, if you're not Christian, your going to hell. Then again, if you're not Christian, you may not believe in hell, and well, then it's a moot point anyway.

Before the exponential proliferation of the Jesus fish, I don't remember seeing people driving around with their religion tattooed on their car. Sure, there was the occasional Virgin Mary on the dashboard or St. Christopher medal on the sun visor, but those were confined to the interior of the vehicle and were meant for the peace of mind of the occupant(s) of said vehicle. The Jesus fish is something else entirely.

Of course, now there is a pluthera of answers to the Jesus fish - there is the Darwin fish with its cute little feet and many versions of the Darwin fish including the Darwin fish eating the Jesus fish, there is the sushi fish, the dead fish, and the gifilte fish. BUT, for the most part, I still do not see cars driving around with a Magen David plaque on the back or a crescent moon and star on the back, although that may just be a consequence of where I live. Perhaps those of you in more urban areas have witnessed these things.

Now to read all of this, you might assume that I am a non-Christian - not so. I was raised Catholic and still attend mass regularly. But I find the Jesus fish, all its incarnations, and all the in-your-face bumper stickers offensive. I find judges who want to put the ten commandments in their courthouses offensive. I find people who go on and on about putting the "Christ" back in "Christmas" offensive. Why? Maybe I think we ought to have more respect for other people's beliefs. Maybe I'm concerned about the preservation of the separation of church and state. Maybe I've been jaded by too many hypocritical Christians. Maybe I'm tired of people using the bible as an excuse to persecute entire groups of people. Maybe I like my Christmas as it is - a meaningful, heartfelt expression of profound, unparalleled consumerism. (Okay, mostly it's those first four things.)